No one missed me....waaaaaaah!!

[Silver City Heritage Farm]

Hi everyone! I haven't even been lurking for the last month, fie on me.   

I really haven't been on the internet at all, as I've been adjusting to my new "normal" which includes being even slower than a turtle in a pit full of peanut butter race.    I had a chance to take on a group of training ponies for free. While I was arranging that I received a call from my daughter. Her father had passed away and she needed me in TN ASAP.

I spent almost 2 weeks there...it had many challenges. My children (23 year old twins) and I haven't had the relationship I wanted after their father and I divorced in 2001. He had custody and it's been tumultuous. Add to that a rocky relationship with Dad, no will and a trusted auntie (my sister) giving them poor advice on what to do right after.. let's just say you can guess where it headed.  Since I've been back, I've been gathering information to help them make decisions. One of the difficulties is that my son is in the Army and stationed in Okinawa. Communicating under the best of circumstances is difficult enough. Add in the requirement of communicating through a third party and it's next to impossible.


Thanks be to God, I was spiritually prepared when I arrived!! The Sunday before I got the call I went to a friend's church. Her pastor (Brian Wallon) shared a sermon on being in the family of Christ. The most important point I received was: I GIVE, NOT FOR WHAT I WILL GET BACK. I GIVE TO BE OBEDIENT TO GOD'S COMMANDMENTS AND AS AN EXAMPLE OF CHRISTIAN LOVE. My husband drilled me to "See. Don't speak." He knows my desire to reunite with my family. He knows my sister is a meddler, and all alone. He knows funerals are stressful under the best of circumstances. (This one was even worse, because poor James spent 2 days on his front porch swing before he was found by a friend. We knew this before I left.) He only agreed for me to go because my daughter said she needed me. When my sisters and I discussed things, we all agreed that we would support the children, offer them advice and guidance, and let them make the decisions. To that end it was "it's not about me. It's about the children and how to support them."

So I left the house with a list:

• See. Don't speak.
  It's not about me.
  I GIVE, NOT FOR WHAT I CAN GET BACK BUT TO BE AN EXAMPLE OF GOD'S LOVE.

My youngest sister and her husband were EXTREMELY generous and allowed us to stay in their home the entire time. My middle sister lives midway between my house and where we needed to go, so I rode with her and we split expenses. I have this photo from April saved to my phone. It's a tree that was damaged by Hurricane Matthew in October 2016. It's the first time it's had leaves and flowers since then. I'm sharing all this detail because........

THERE ARE NO COINCIDENCES

Where I went in TN required quiet a bit of travel between 3 towns. Imagine a tripod. My daughter lives in one town, dad lived in a second and my sister lives in the third. They're all about 20 miles apart. So from daughter to sister is about 40, with Dad at about midpoint.

Once I arrived.....I HAD ALMOST NO CELL SERVICE. My.carrier indicated that I was in either Thailand or Cuba. Just before I left the house each day, I'd send myself 6 text messages so that I'd know as soon as I reached a service area. My sister is a trucker and her husband works in the dispatch office. Voilé....SEE. DON'T SPEAK suddenly became very easy. See how God worked that out?!

Each day, I made all beds, did laundry and prepped dinner before I left, so as to give my sister and/or brother-in-law time to rest in the evenings. When my middle sister told me "not to bother my son, he needs his space and you don't understand or respect his boundaries" (her words) I obeyed... against my better judgement.  Whatever anyone wanted I gave, even to the point of asking my husband for more money to help the children. Whenever someone attacked me verbally; left me alone with no access to phone or transportation; didn't answer my questions, calls or texts; abandoned me to clean, do dishes and laundry in my ex's house all alone--from 3 in the afternoon until 1:00..with no food....I did it gladly. I GAVE NOT FOR WHAT I WOULD GET BACK, BUT TO BE AN EXAMPLE OF GOD'S LOVE.

Most important, I did not try to push myself and my needs on to my children. Whatever they asked I gave. I tried to anticipate problems and prevent them. I helped my daughter get the chance to speak to her brother alone. I asked "What do you want?" or "what would you like" and not "I think." Other than tell everyone (as a group) what to do on the off chance I should have a seizure, and where my medical records were in my travel bag, I didn't talk about myself. IT'S NOT ABOUT ME. 

Because of the way their father was found, it was necessary to have him cremated. His remains were shared between 2 urns. His family has a permanent home and family burial plot in Alabama, which is where one urn went. There was a Memorial Service in TN that was attended by us, his best friend and many co-workers. As there was only word of mouth about it (my son had only 10 days leave time and 3 were taken up with travel from Japan) my children seemed to accept the turnout. They announced that Aaron would be taking his father back to Okinawa with him to keep the promise of bringing his father there. Now, to the point of the picture.  As I visited with folks, I finally got to meet the best friend. As I drew him out, he shared with me how very hurt he was. His best friend gone. Undiscovered out in 90° Fahrenheit weather for two days, after a heart attack....and that he'd found his own father the very same way, just a year ago.  . I was able to minister to this man, using the tree as an example of hope. I pointed out how those large branches had been ripped off, exposing--and even pulling out a good portion of--it's heart. How it had taken more than a year to recover enough to start putting out leaves and blossoms. I showed him a more recent picture where it has branches that have grown up to protect and hide the awful wound.  I explained the hope in all that. How there's a great hole that will never completely recover...yet hope caused it to make new growth around and in spite of the wound. That perhaps, in time, someone might come to him and receive comfort, like the family whose house was behind that tree did by going out to enjoy those beautiful blossoms. I was allowed to hug this man, a stranger, and dry his tears.  I GAVE NOT FOR WHAT I WOULD GET BACK BUT TO BE AN EXAMPLE OF GOD'S LOVE.

The sister that hosted us ended up having a very painful family discussion of her own, that has resulted in a (hopefully brief) separation from her own son. For the first time, I was able to minister to one of my own family members.  A large portion of that was SEE. DON'T SPEAK.

*********************************


This whole trip---from first call to how I was received when I arrived home---was a completely blessed one.  I discovered things about myself that I didn't know. I used gifts I'd been afraid to use before. I walked in peace everywhere.  I found that I had unexpected defenders, and a shadow of influence that spanned more than 15 years and two states.

The most important? I was able to display that Christan love and humility are honorable-- yes DESIRABLE--traits to have. Being humble isn't weakness. It's peace. And, for me, that's most certainly more than enough.

[dcwolcott]

I'm so proud of you sharing this story with us.  I, too, lost my mother this May at 88 years old and suffering from Alzheimers -- but not so advanced she didn't know who we were, and she could still function around her home.  I found her dead outside her home.  She was fine the day before, but apparently she got confused going out to the mailbox, and thought she was locked out of her home.  The neighbor saw her sitting on the front porch, and although strange to see her outside, when he checked back, she was gone -- inside he thought.  But instead, apparently she walked around to the back of her home, dropping her cell phone in the grass in the front yard.  It was apparent that she tried to break in the back sliding door but couldn't, and then must have taken a fall from the steps, hitting her head on the concrete -- but just a small lump.  The coroner said her heart just failed because of her stress level.  I had gone over to remind her I was picking her up in the morning, as my oldest grandson was being baptized on Sunday morning and found her. 

To say the least, it was shocking for my children, but she wanted to go, and all she talked about was going home to Jesus to see Him, my dad and my sister.  So, we were saddened, but not distressed.

Your words were wonderful to read, and in handling my kids since they are all grown and parents themselves, and all Christians, I did the same things to be the strength for them.  Even though it was my mother, I put them first, as they were having the hardest time.  We held a small memorial service, and now I'm faced with cleaning out the house which is unbelievably cluttered with 88 years of collected trash.  She saved everything, and the house is full of mostly trash.  But, I had it cleaned out enough that my children could select those things that each wanted, and I will be shipping them out to them shortly.

Again, thank you for your wonderful words, and I praise HIM who gave you the strength to be an example of His love.

~~Diane

[Chanda]

Of course we missed you.  I always enjoy reading your posts.   I check regularly, but don't always post.

[Ryan]

Of course we missed you

Sorry for your loss Julie and Diane sorry for the loss of your mum. ((hugs))

[Holly]

All I can say is thank you and sending prayers and hugs!
GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME!

[Silver City Heritage Farm]

Dear friends,

Thank you for sharing your comments and I hope you'll forgive me for taking so very, very long to acknowledge them.  Diane, you're a fine Christian woman and soemone I hope to meet in person one day.


******************Again, no coincidences***************

One week after I started this post, I was admitted to the hospital.  It was only one day, but what an expensive one!!  I'm glad I always ask for an itemized bill....they had charged me $42,474 for ONE injection!!!!  Once I found what it was for, I had them pull a transcript of my video examination to prove I'd refused that medication.  They diagnosed a TIA or mini/warning strokes.  Good for me that I'd already been making life changes.  All that they recommended I'd already implemented.

[Ryan]

OMG for one injection, that is outrageous...

Glad you are ok , we have missed you round here

[dcwolcott]

Good for you being so careful with billing.  Nothing surprises me about costs that are charged, but so good that you followed through and got things corrected. 

I remember when my dad was sick years ago in 2009, he received a weekly shot that was billed at $10,000 each time.  He was covered with Medicare, of course, and Medicare cut that charge to less than $2,000 per dose and the hospital had to eat the $8,000+ that they were billing. He had a disease similar to lupus, where his body no longer produced red or white blood cells and he had to have transfusions every week. 

We did miss you, and hope you are feeling better now.  KUDOS for making life changes even before they told you to.  We pray for your continued healing and to regain any strength you were lacking.  Keep us posted.  And don't worry how long it takes to respond.  Life happens, and we're happy when you're back, and praying for you when you're missing.   

[Ryan]

I really love our little family we have here.

In person, We couldn't be further away from each other if we tried. Coming here though, its like having a cuppa with friends 

[Chanda]

I really love our little family we have here.

In person, We couldn't be further away from each other if we tried. Coming here though, its like having a cuppa with friends 

Me, too, me, too!   Exactly.

[dcwolcott]

PERFECTLY SAID, Ryan!

[Silver City Heritage Farm]

Thanks everyone!  I agree with Ryan, too, we do get to know one other much better.

I do have so much more news, and so little time to share it because...…..

I'VE GONE BACK TO SCHOOL!!

In a nutshell, I was doing research to help my daughter (minority woman and divorced, with a child) find more scholarship money, since she has returned to school. (There's a story in here. )  While doing that, I ran across many scholarships that would be appropriate for me, too.  I even found that there are scholarships for people who have certain diseases, disabilities, courses of study....there's a BUNCH of stuff out there.

Since I had to leave the mission because of my chronic condition (lupus is part of it, but we're still working on diagnosing some other things) I've been learning to live with another new normal.  I've come to the realization that NO traditional employer-not even the mission-is willing to make the accommodations that I need to be able to work.  So I'll start my own business, make my own accommodations, and eventually help other people like myself. My own mission. (There's a story in here too.  )

My preliminary decision is to earn an Associates degree in Business Administration, which takes 2 full years and includes summers.  I can earn a Business Administration Entrepreneurship Certificate in one fall/semester course of studies, and the classes are part of the Business Admin Associate degree.

I've applied to 2 different community colleges.  At the campus that's closest to me, I cannot begin until the Spring Semester starts on 7 January 2019.  I started the entire process late, and my transcript from high school hasn't arrived yet.  As part of admissions I *may* have to take a placement test.  It depends on what my transcript looks like, and may not be necessary as my college placement test score are high enough.  However, I know that my course of studies includes a large concentration of math classes.  Since math is NOT my friend, I asked them for practice tests.  On the front page they have online study tools, so I'm taking math until I can start classes. (There's a third story in here.)

At the campus that's farther away, a Fall2 semester begins on 17 October.  I might take some of my other classes there, if the credits will transfer from one community college to another. My challenge there is transportation. (Want story #4?!) 

Beyond all of this, there are a whole host of other things in the mish-mosh of "what do I want to be when I grow up?"  I've been blessed with an agile mind, and can learn most anything quickly and easily. (Except math.  Not math.  Math is NOT my friend, have I mentioned that?  ) My life skills make me a Jill-of-all-trades.  I have a very wide variety of interests.  What I don't have is time and money.

*************************

It's late, and I'm up much, much later than I need to be.  I have one other thing to post, so I'll close this for now. I VERY MUCH APPRECIATE DIANE FOR PROVIDING THIS FORUM FOR US.  I know she does it for love...of both animals and humans.  I also appreciate everyone here, whether they're active or lurk like I've had to the last few months.

Thank you, and here's a {{{huuugggg}}} for everybody!

P.S...I almost lost this because it timed out.  It hasn't been proofread, so please forgive errors.

[dcwolcott]

What a wonderful story, and I can't wait to read more!

I totally support your decisions, as they are a bit similar to mine.  I started my degree right after college, finished one semester and into the second when I was taken ill with a serious lung problem, hence, I didn't finish that first full year.  Got married that summer, and enrolled in the NY State University at Potsdam, NY, where my husband was attending. I went year round, taking full course loads, and finished all but my final "student teaching" semester when my husband transferred to Upstate Medical Center to do his coursework.  Of course I had to go with him as it was hours away and money was tight. Then found I was pregnant, hence my first was born during his final year and my degree completion was pushed aside having 4 children in the next 5 years.  Then later a divorce, and I was on my own for raising all the kids on my own.

Travel forward almost 14 years, when I needed my degree for my job and my job gave me a year to get it -- still working full time. I had completed 106 hours of the needed 124 for graduation before, but the college I enrolled in said the credits were too old, and set me back to 64 hours.  Needless to say that was a bit devastating, but I finished a 1 year later with my 4 year degree with 4 majors: Teaching, Psychology and Business/Accounting and Human Resources Management. I took classes, wrote for credit (the CLEP program) and when finished, immediately started my Master's Degree in Business Administration.

In my undergrad-graduating class was a woman who was 72 years old, whose dream it was to have a college degree and she earned it!!  She was inspiration to me, never giving up on her dream no matter how long it took. So, I believe you can do anything you put your mind to and I believe you can and will do it!!!!

[Chanda]

We so need a like button.  Two thumbs up.

[Ryan]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^LIKE^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^